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Talking is therapeutic so, for your own sake keep talking

We have to keep talking, when there is trouble ahead it is talking that will get us through whatever adversity we may be facing, and come out the other side stronger. When we are experiencing bad patches in life, it is talking it out that will see us through. When we are optimistic and excited about something, it is talking that will help others share that experience with us.

If we aren’t talking there is something wrong. If we aren’t talking, what are we doing? Talking helps us to understand, listen, share, communicate our thoughts and feelings. Many people avoid talking as they find it intimidating, they worry about awkward silences or conveying things they are afraid of sharing. We don’t need to fill all the silences in conversation, there are some basic principles of communication that can help us feel more inclined to open up to others and enable them to feel the same way;

Show that You Are Still Present and Interested in the Conversation

  • Acknowledge that someone has spoken to you-a grunt or a sigh isn’t enough
  • Show some recognition, every few seconds, that you are still present and interested, demonstrate you are interested and paying attention-this may be a nod, a yes or no, a noise of encouragement etc
  • Be aware that talking is part of your role as friend/partner and you need to work hard at being good at it, because the quality of your relationships will depend on how well you communicate with others

Talking Helps us Feel Connected and Keeps People Together – it’s what you used to do when you first fell in love, remember?

There is absolutely a time and a place for relaxed and comfortable silences. Knowing when to listen and when to speak is important for your partner, family, friends, or work colleagues to feel respected and heard. Everyone wants to feel accepted and loved for their views and opinions. When you listen to others and acknowledge their views it helps to build healthy and strong relationships! If you find this hard to do, just think about the way you like to be heard, the way you want someone to listen to you, and do the same to others. 

It can be harder for some to speak and listen, it doesn’t come naturally, and it’s a battle for them to express themselves. It is something they need to practice in order to have healthy relationships and to be happy in themselves.

Sometimes what is needed is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder perhaps to cry on

In actual fact what is often required of us is that we sit down and listen. As humans however, we are often liable to feel an inherent need to rescue someone or leap to their defence, we may even try to be their hero and fight their battles. What is actually needed is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder perhaps to cry on. Most of the time someone just wants their listener to be empathetic, to feel their pain and care about it. And making someone feel this way is challenging, as it can be simulated, it has to be felt. Often as soon as we have heard the problem we can switch off, or rather we turn to work out what the solution must be. Some people appreciate solutions, they may want them, and this approach works for them. However, there aren’t always solutions and at times some individuals just want to feel that someone loves them and cares about how they feel, that is their solution!!!

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Becoming Aware Of our Own Weaknesses Leads to Better relationships

Most people can feel that just listening is difficult, they want to interject and give their opinion. We may even be guilty of wanting to speak about our experiences as we feel it will help the other person, we can genuinely have good intentions but it can often be seen as wanting to speak about ourselves rather than hear the other person. This can be especially difficult if we are related to the person or close to them. We can stop making such an effort to listen. I believe we all need to stop ourselves from saying “Hold it right there, I can see exactly what this needs” and then rushing off to fetch our tool kit. We need to hear the problem and listen to the person speaking to actually understand what they are asking for. We can not truly help if we don’t first hear if someone even is asking for help!

Always Make Sure Your Speech is Uplifting and meaningful

Obviously, there is quality talking and there is also negative speech that can damage relationships. Our role is to make sure our speech is upbuilding and meaningful, that it enhances our relationships and does not tear them down. The first step to becoming aware of our own weaknesses regarding how we talk to others around us is to think about how we make our immediate family and friends feel. Think about the effect we have on them and if we see there is room for improvement start listening more and talking less! 

Source: The Rules of Life (Templar Pearson).

I look forward to receiving your feedback and please feel free to suggest any other subject that you would like to read about in my next articles.

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To Your Best-Self,

Isabel Silva

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